Intrinsic Fitness, LLC

Mirror, Mirror Everywhere

Note: I have spent the past month trying to write a post on success. Each time I have a draft complete I discover something new through loss or joyful discovery. Today’s idea is extemporaneous and unfiltered – like most of my essays are. Success awaits, but not today. Today I ask the mirror: Can I leave my face behind?

When you look at another’s face, what do you see? Do you look for lines and wrinkles, check their hair, the size of their nose or the blemish they couldn’t conceal?  Are their features “better” than yours and does that make you want to hang your head and look away?

Reflected from the face of the other is the face we see every day.

When I look at you, I look first at your hair and the quality of your skin. I don’t do this consciously but I can’t help it because I practice in my mirror every day.

The challenge is clear: We must learn to see the faces of others without our reflection getting in the way.

Affect Theory tells us that if we judge our reflection and wish to see something different, we will experience negative affect (feelings of disgust, dissmell, anxiety or shame). Negative affects are inherently punishing and always feel bad. The beauty of this moment is the potential for change and joy. Joy occurs when there is complete relief of the affect of the moment. If we can gracefully accept the face staring back at us in the mirror we are taking a giant step towards peace and ultimate joy. Sounds simple enough but to try and skip this step or not complete it genuinely will doom us to a life of anger, anxiety and frustration.

We must learn to love what we see in the mirror. Our reflection reads to us the paragraphs of prose and poetry that tell the story of our lives. When we smile it leaves a trace. When we cry it leaves a trail. When we revel in our world and the sun that gives us life we are left with color on our face. Each line, spot and scar is a piece of our history, our story. If we ignore our own tale then there is no salvation, no ghost of happiness future. Instead we must stand strong against the mirror, look long and honest at our reflection, and only then can we write a new story that embraces the beauty that awaits.

In accepting our reflection we open up the possibilities of others’ faces and the powerful experience available in their full display. As we learn to love the face staring back from the mirror, we open the possibility to engage in real intra-personal, interpersonal and community relationships. Accepting ourselves as we are allows us to be truly genuine and completely present with others. We no longer need the empathic wall – that barrier we used in the past to keep us from feeling the sting of the mirror’s ugly bite. After acceptance we can then look upon another’s face without judgment, without the pain of shame and experience true excitement and organic interaction.

There is so much joy waiting on the other side if we can just break through the mirror’s hold. Billions of faces await our gaze, ready to be investigated, resonated with and appreciated. The potential for positive interactions is incredible. That idea fills me with warmth and gives me great hope for humanity. If we can all look upon ourselves and others without judgement, we will never again need war, anger or conflict. We will pass directly through this purgatory on earth and move straight to shared heaven, to joy without bonds, to utopia.

The greatest gift of humanness is the sharing of truth between faces that have left the mirror behind. If we look at others and see ourselves, we miss the possibility of real dialogue and playful love. Without acceptance, we are just strangers passing on the street; a hand waved and a hat tipped but nothing real is ever known.

Let go of contrived expectations.  Remember the fun you had in the face you have and leave the mirror where it belongs. Look upon the faces in your life as if you have never seen them before. Study the lines of their story without judgment.  See the person behind the mirror and allow him or her to speak directly to your soul. Joy awaits. Celebrate shared interest and jettison personal shame. Accept your own face, fall in love with your uniqueness; live forward without the mirror, own your personal narrative with pride and if you do you will be rewarded with the discovery of a grand new world full of novelty, love and limitless possibility.

P.S. If you feel this worthy of sharing, please do.