Life is Too Short
Life Is Too Short Not To Kiss Beautiful Girls
A fan of the Bachelor series messaged me the other day on Facebook: “You’re very handsome, I would love to go out with you or have you…you should train me :).”
My first reaction was to click on her photo (I am warm-blooded after all) but I thought twice and messaged her back with a diatribe about why I never date my clients. Never have, never will.
The rules we create for ourselves are the only rules we know are real.
The increasing permissiveness in our social environment simultaneously interests and infuriates me. Are these “social media sluts” making choices out of solipsistic narcissism or are they at peace with their wants and acting without fear? I pine for facile lucidity when struggling with my own desires. I’m perpetually caught between action and thought but how do I break free? (That paragraph was for you Ken.)
Claire (not her real name), an x-client, had a gym fan-base who would schedule their workouts around her training times with me. She caused a scene just by walking in the door. They would all come up and ask her name/rank/serial number EVERY TIME she came to work out. She was extremely fit and by fit I mean the best kind of fit. The kind that makes guys act like morons and attempt to propagate the species right there on the carpet. (Thinking back I signed a couple of male clients during that time who conveniently needed the same time slot as her.)
The crazy part is she had a crush on me. This surprised and perplexed me. I couldn’t make sense of it but if I had to guess it was from watching The Bachelorette or maybe from the trainer/client Stockholm Syndrome that crops up sometimes. We became friends, which is normal, and I met her out for a drink one night at a bar where she was out with friends from work. Girls together in a big group act differently than when they are alone, it is an interesting phenomenon. They tend to talk with more openness and honesty than when you are 1v1. One inevitable bonus is the “care-free” member of the group who will say whatever comes to mind. Bernadette, the filter-free friend from her group, was complimentary towards me and literally pushed Claire into my arms. She felt good. My hands were around her waist and I was trying with all of my strength not to show her how much I liked her. We danced for a little while and went to the bar to take a break and get a drink. We talked for a minute and then there was a pause in the conversation – she moved closer and put her hand around the back of my head; I love when girls do that. They know just how to run their fingers through the hair at the base of your head sending a chill throughout your entire body. She held my head in her hand and looked into my eyes and I almost, almost kissed her…but I didn’t. This was a turning point for me. I realized that if in that moment I wasn’t going to break my rule then I never would. I was relieved and proud but at the same time I have regretted it ever since.
On one hand, so what if I had been with her? We are adults and consenting and she was single (newly divorced). On the other hand, how would that have been perceived by my clients, club members and co-workers? Would they find out? Why risk it? I know the guys would have been eager to congratulate me but what would the female members have thought? Would they have said I was a jerk taking advantage of my status and targeting my vulnerable clients? As I write this I realize that it’s possible that I think too much and act too little. I should have just kissed the girl. That’s what I wanted to do. (I write these accounts to force myself to ask hard questions and squeeze out hard answers. If you are reading this I hope you will ask yourself if there is a Claire in your life or a problem that you should stop thinking about and act on instead.)
I feel invigorated and relieved at this admission of panic and shame. The next step is to live now, in real time, with yesterday in the rear-view mirror. I know today that I am living in the moment more so than at any other time in my life. It does me no good to get mired down by the past when I was hindered by fear. It makes me sad to think about how I felt in that bar. I was terrified of doing the wrong thing. I fought my nature, my desires and my thoughts won a battle that I should have lost and for what? For others’ opinions? I’m done with contrived expectations. I choose freedom. They can think whatever they want…Life Is Too Short Not To Kiss Beautiful Girls.
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Well in this situation, one reason not to kiss the girl is, if it doesnt work you might lose her as a client, a friend and some self respect?
The other hand life is to short to not take risks.
Is it too late to kiss the girl????
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Hey Amz! It is too late, but I know she is happy and that things turned out well. She might not have met her sweetheart if we had dated.
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Things almost always work out for the best. We just don’t realize it at the time. As humans, we try to control our destiny, yet in reality (gotta love that world in this age of “reality TV), we are never in control.
Good luck but please know that all works out in the end!
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Michael, you’re the man! Thank you for saying that. I have this feeling that you know better than the rest of us. You are a gift to your friends, co-workers and family. Keep running my friend!
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beach bod.. get over it man.. it ur gonna write. write.
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Just found you’re blog through ihategreenbeans.com and I enjoy it. I understand where you are coming from. You have your lines and that is really respectable. But in those moments is when you figure out are those rules for truly you or what you think you should do. I have learned not to hold back anymore when I feel inside it’s right. I have lost one parent to cancer, and took care of another parent who is doing well as of now. I have always been passionate, but even more so and putting my all into something. I just did that with a “relationship” that i found out was only one sided. I learned a lot and don’t regret filling each moment with life. Each day and the little things.
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Thank you. I, like you, have struggled with the gray area when presented hard choices. Many times I have looked back with regret. I’m sure I will continue to make unwise decisions but I resolve to look back less and to remember that at the time I did the best I could.
I’m sorry to hear about your loss but glad that your other parent is doing well. Cherish the times with him or her.
Loss is our greatest teacher, you are strong and insightful and I appreciate the reminder that essential learning sometimes comes with a price.
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Enough already! Do not abstain. i dont think you were really holding back, I think you are just apprehensive because you are vain and afraid of rejection. Let live and go to confession.