Intrinsic Fitness, LLC

Love Lost and Forever

Almost 10 years ago I lost out on true love’s game-show of life. In my defense, at the time, I didn’t even know that I was playing.

I was searching through my old files over Christmas break and stumbled upon this gem. I have protected her identity by calling her Girlfriend X. The letter and introduction is painful to read but miraculously it ends with a pleasant poem…

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Friday, April 20, 2001

Hi Girlfriend X…

It seems our conversations on the phone haven’t been all that great for some time now. Snail mail seems much more personal these days. I was up late last night reading and thought I would write you a little note. Besides that I can’t email you since you are too important to give lowly pedestrian me your super-top-priority email address…just kidding cutie. Well here goes:

I will be honest…I was angry and disappointed with you for a little while. I wondered why you were doing the thing you were doing in the manner in which you were doing it. It seemed contrary to everything I have always known and loved about you. But now it is over and done. We cannot go back and change anything that has happened. You have been my friend or companion for more than five years, the majority of my adult life. I realize that being angry and not being there for you when you need someone is to neglect all that I have learned from and loved about you. I needed you to be there for me last summer and fall. I needed you to just be straight with me and to act like my best friend first and say screw the relationship junk, get it over with, and just be my bud. I would have loved to accept such a straight deal. Short, sharp pain with a fast resolution is much more my style. We have been too good of friends for too long to beat around the bush about shit. We could have been there for each other last fall when we needed support the most. Let’s just resolve to not do that again, ever.

I refuse to allow the way that things happened to change the way I feel about our friendship. I will always be here if you need me. You can call me anytime, night or day, any day of any week, whenever you want to talk. I think I would actually like to get a phone call from you in the middle of the night. So the next time you can’t sleep I hope you will think of me and just call. We can laugh long, deep and true and sit together in our minds while the rest of the world sleeps and dreams. Whenever you need me X, I will be here for you.

I don’t want to sound at all judgmental or like a dad, but I care for you as much as anyone in the world and don’t want to see you change. The very people that you used to be wary of are now your closest friends. I want more than anything for you to be absolutely happy. So if they make you truly happy then, well, I will accept them no questions asked. On the other hand I hope you will take the time to step back and gain some perspective on your life and everyone around you. I hope you will consider the people who you have truly loved and to ask yourself if the people you are with now touch your soul and speak to your heart the way your true friends do. You were the one that taught me to never settle and to never compromise my values.

You are in my prayers Girlfriend X. I know that your heart is unequaled in its strength and will always allow you to see clearly. I hope you will allow your heart to speak to you and that you will listen closely to its song. I have an undying faith in you Girlfriend X. You are a wonderful girl. You are the beautiful red rose sailing along on that green and stagnant pond, floating softly above the darkness that is that place.

Your friend forever, love:

Brian

P.S. It’s hard for me to form a coherent thought regarding what I love about friendship and what your friendship means to me, so…I wrote some of it down for you in a little pseudo-poem credo-of-friendship thing 🙂

Friendship

Friendship is the soft net that you know will be there if you fall

Friendship is the faithful companion you can always trust to be by your side

Friendship is the old worn park bench that has been in the same spot through rain and snow, season and sun, and will be there until the park is not

Friendship is the old pair of glasses that never fails to help you see things clearly, even when you don’t know what you are looking for

Friendship is the old t-shirt that you know you should throw away but fits just right and reminds you of all the fun you had in it

Friendship can transcend family; while family will always be there like they always were – your friends can stay or go

Friendship is the warmest, softest, longest, most comfortable hug that you can still feel the next day and week and year

Friendship is faith that if you miss a step, a strong but soft hand will be there reaching down from the step above

Friendship is the wild flower growing along the open road without cause or care, painting a smile on every face it sees

Friendship is a warm summer rain that every life needs but only truly touches the hearts of those who choose to stay in it and dance

Friendship is the beautiful rose; dried and saved; placed carefully in the scrapbook of our mind, always there reminding us of its once beautiful bloom

Friendship is your first two-wheeler that still remembers when it taught you how to fly

Friendship is the picture at which you have looked a hundred times; it never failing to remind you of how true happiness feels

Friendship is the stone that peacefully supports the arch, knowing its place and accepting its burden without a sound

Friendship is more eternal than love, never judgmental, always accepting, forever embracing, always comfortable, no strings attached, at a moments notice, calls when you need it most, even when it isn’t there you know in your heart that it is, true, always real, full of depth and soul…friendship is what it means to be truly alive – every moment of friendship shared is more precious than the one before and can never be traded or sold

Friendship is surely the most beautiful word; it can be broken down to just letters and sounds, but put together it stands for God’s second greatest gift

Friendship is truly beautiful

Friendship is unconditional love

Girlfriend X, you will always and forever be my friend.

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…She never wrote me back. Never called, never emailed or sent word. I guess 10 years later I’m still single partly because I was hurt once by this girl and am afraid to feel that way again.